Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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