his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
