I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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