I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
