If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize