I can tuck mytits in my pants
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
