first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
