Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize