the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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