the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize