They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
