I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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