I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
