Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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