I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How's work?
Spinning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
