He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
