Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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