Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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