I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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