he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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