So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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