We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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