im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just puked most of my soul out..
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