i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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