I didn't shave. On purpose
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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