if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
