Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
