he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
