youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
