this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
