U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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