Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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