i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize