No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize