how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize