I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
