history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
