From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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