Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
