he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize