Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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