He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
