happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
