So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
