textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
