go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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