Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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