Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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