and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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