you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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