Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
