Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come share oat with me in your robe
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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