Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
