I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
