Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize