i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
