He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize