Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
