Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
