Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
