The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
