well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
