Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
