Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
