When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
