it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
