In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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