I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
