I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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