it was like his penis was on wheels.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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