i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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