The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize