I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
