I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
